I have lost my house building mojo, and I'm afraid my overall mojo went with it. I'm waving my white flag to the negative nelly's, glass half empties and super real realists. As I handed another unexpected check to Jim last night, I asked him... "So, when does this get fun?" He replied "When I hand you the keys."
I was determined to have fun during this process. I was going to prove all those people wrong that kept telling me "building a house is miserable." What can possibly be miserable about getting to create a dwelling that fits you and your family exactly how you want it to!? Well, I can tell you now, it's the paperwork. It's the checks, the empty bank account and debt, the stress of feeling like you're being pulled in 20 directions, the concern you aren't doing it right, the disappointment that it's not going as planned, the aggravation that it's taking too long, the neighbors complaints, the silly arguements and raised voices, the fear that you made the wrong decision and the time it takes away from your other real life activities.
See what I mean, I've lost my mojo.
I stopped looking at paint colors, carpet samples, furniture positioning.... measuring and remeasuring. I stopped picturing myself next summer, in a new completed house. I stopped imagining and envisioning. Now I'm just concerned and I don't like it. I need an intervention, an attitude adjustment and slap in the face. I need a reminder that this will be worth it.
I'm hoping that when the lumber is delivered, which Jim told me could be today.... and I start seeing a structure above ground, a renewed energy will appear in me. I drove by this morning and just stared at my open space....
I'll try to drive by again later, maybe if the lumber is really there... and I see activity, it'll pep me up. For now though, I've got the house building blues...